Today I felt truly beautiful...after dealing with one hour of sleep and being puked on all night by my little guy then waking up early to clean, and take care of my sick baby and husband... After struggling with anorexia, depression, anxiety, and depersonalization as a teenager to adulthood... I might wear makeup and wear clothing to make me look acceptable on the outside, but I never actually believed it.

I really struggled after pregnancy to connect with my baby and become a mother. postpartum depression soon came and the only thing that really kept me grounded was my faith in God and my little one.

Dealing with the body dismorphia after pregnancy wasn't easy as well. All that weight gain, stretchmarks, and the scar from my c-section made me hate myself. But I had learned from my anorexic days that not eating wasn't the answer.

I still haven't hit my goal weight. But everyday is a new day. I might not be able to hit the gym often but clean eating helped heal my depression and with that acceptance of myself. With acceptance of myself came motivation and self worth to treat myself with respect and care for the body I've been given to live my life in.

So today I looked in the mirror and smiled... Because for the first time in 24 years... I truly loved myself.

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Stanley Park 10/03/2015