What do you do when you feel like you have been on a non-stop bullet train of the past few months? You finally take time out of your busy schedule to write about it.
My life has been an emotional, mental, and physical whirlwind over the past few months since I started working in film again in March this year and then just didn't stop working. I would collapse into my bed on the weekends and just sleep from utter exhaustion. Thankfully on the show that I am currently working on, I've been able to actually take a step back and breathe a little more.
One thing that I have been adoring about this new show, is that I have been able to find myself in nature again. I feel very free when surrounded by ancient trees and historic sites. The sunsets have set in the evening, comforting me as I would fall asleep to the fading light.
I have grown more in touch with the world around me and find myself caring more about the people around me. I have met some amazing people and have learned that you can learn all kind of things from the people around you. Whether you are working with them, or you are just passing by them on the street. I am more interested in the stories that they have to tell. Why have we all disconnected from each other? We can have thousands of people following us on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etc... but still feel very alone in this world. I think that everyone should stop for a moment and look at the people around them, and start a conversation. Everyone is like us, they have emotions, fears, dreams, wishes... but I think that we get stuck in a robotic pattern in life and become too scared to reach out.
I think that I got so caught up in trying to figure out how to make it, but I forgot about how beautiful and refreshing it is to be authentic with yourself. I got lost in trying to keep everything together on my own that I didn't make time for the little pleasures in life. How to sit quietly with a cup of coffee and enjoy the flavour while watching my son babble away and discover the world. How that when my husband is amused he raises one eyebrow and it trembles. How precious this life is, because every second you spend in this world is a second that you will never get back. So you better appreciate and care for the people around you while you still have the time.
I've been reflecting a lot since I remembered that my 25th birthday is coming up and I feel like it's crept up on me silently. I never expected it to come as fast as it did. Where did my time go? Did I spend it wisely? Did it go towards making myself better as a person? How many seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, or years have I spent in my life wallowing in and feeding my anxieties, heartaches, depression, and anger? So much wasted time and energy. I made a resolution to myself that I would focus on the wonderful moments, people, family, and my relationship with God.
That's when it donned on me today... I have been the happiest that I have been in my entire life... right here, right now. I feel God moving in every aspect of my life since I have really sat back and let him take the wheel; since I stopped focusing on the negative moments and spent time focusing how to rebuild my life. Take actual time out of my life to spend time with my family, and be present in my closest friend's lives.
I don't just hear people anymore, I LISTEN. I've noticed my son's face changing, every syllable of his laughter, watching him tumble around the world... hoping and praying that I will be able to raise him in a mentality of looking for the bright side in everything and to just keep moving. I want him to be an encouragement to everyone he meets. I pray every night for him, which amazes me because a few years ago, I found it so hard to pray and give my troubles to the Lord.
I feel like I have taken more time to really get to know my family, and being involved. My husband and my relationship has finally reached a point to where we are in the best position we've ever been in our relationship and we both can only see it getting better from where we are currently... this itself is a miracle, considering it was only a few years ago where I was certain we would both go our own separate ways, where we couldn't communicate without it turning into a monumental fight. I have discovered a new love for him. One that I can build a future and grow old with.
Through this time of discovery, I have learned to believe in myself more as well. I used to always quit while I was ahead. I would fail myself before giving myself the chance to fail. But now I have found my will to be strong, and I can face more without breaking down. I am no longer badly affected by what people say about me. I live my life with a goal now, and I have been richly blessed in the outcome of that decision. I have been blessed and overwhelmed by the love my bosses have shown me, and thankful for the time they have taken to
believe and encourage me as well. Not just as my bosses, but as women, and as my friend. I have grown to really respect my current boss and am eternally grateful for her Christian influence and the opportunities that she keeps blessing me with as she takes me on from show to show with her.
In conclusion, I guess that I am saying that you need to be grateful for the time that you have on this earth... use it wisely and unselfishly, trusting in the Lord. I have been able to feel like I turned over a new leaf and am finally very refreshed.